How do you determine if someone is toxic to your life?
- Toxic people create chaos in other people’s lives on a pretty consistent basis
- They expect that you will deal with their drama without question – their problems are your problems
- Your life gets put on the back burner in order to try and help them
- They seem to switch from loving to angry easily and seemingly without reason. They are very unpredictable
- Toxic people are manipulative. Their desired outcome is what matters to them
- They refuse or are unable to admit responsibility for things that go wrong in their lives, always blaming others
- They make you prove yourself to them over and over ie. “If you loved me… If you were really my friend…”
- They never or rarely apologize even when blatantly wrong OR they do so in order to manipulate and continue right on with the same behavior anyway
- They expect you to be there for every crisis but when you need them, the support isn’t available
- Toxic people tend to exaggerate and draw you in
- They are only supportive of you when it fits their own agenda
None of this is to say that these people do not love you in their own way or that you do not love them. Love, however, is not a valid reason to trap yourself in an emotionally draining or even abusive relationship or friendship.
We often mean to help these toxic friends or loved ones when what we are really doing is enabling the behaviors. Setting boundaries is healthy. If they do care about you, they will respect them.
Loving yourself means taking care of yourself. Sometimes taking care of yourself means saying no to other people’s drama, taking a step back and putting some distance between yourself and the other person. It doesn’t mean you don’t care or that you no longer love them. It means that it is time to value yourself and focus on your own life.
www.monarchwellness.net offers many groups as well as private classes and sessions to help get you focused on self-healing and wellness.